Friday, April 29, 2005

One of my new favorite blogs:


I love anonymous confessions... There's just something so liberating about telling your deepest, darkest secrets to someone who has no personal stake in them. I wonder what I should confess on my post card? Maybe I'll write about the time I buried the body in the... Wait. Did I just type that out loud?

Sunday, April 24, 2005

I know it was Passover yesterday, but I just didn't expect to see the Dancing Matzahman in the grocery store.

I always thought he was make believe.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Earlier tonight, my wife and I decided it might be fun to drive by a condo that we knew was for sale and (somewhat) in our price range. When we turned down the street and drove into the neighborhood, we saw a bunch of television news vans waiting to do live remotes.

Me: Hmmm. That can't be good, right?
Wife: But this is a pretty decent neighborhood, right?
Me: Well, the condo looks decent, right?
Wife: Hmmm.
Me: Hmmm.
Wife: Hmmm.
Me: Let's go home.

About 20 minutes later we see a story about this on the news.

Friday, April 15, 2005

My wife and I were discussing our neighborhood the other day and its relative safety. We must talk about these things now, since we’re going to be parents. I think it’s a Los Angeles city ordinance or something.

I say that even though we may not live in 90210, we do live across the street from Beverly Hills--more officially known as Beverly Hills Adjacent--and that’s pretty good isn’t it?

The mother of my unborn child, however, seems to think we should consider moving.

Wife: A car crashed into our apartment building the night we moved in.
Me: But that was an accident, right?

Wife: Earlier this week, I saw a scrawny, shifty-looking guy standing suspiciously on the corner. He just hangs out, shivering in 80-degree weather until a car drives up, to which sticks his head in and SOMETHING happens.
Me: Exactly what are you suggesting? It could just be old friends reuniting. Have you no faith in humanity?

Wife: On a late-night dog walk, didn’t you see a guy pulled over on the street getting a blowjob?
Me: Yeah... But, can you blame him?

Wife: Remember when you saw the 7-11 clerk punch a customer in the face?
Me: But the guy was asking for batteries. Battery... Batteries. Maybe the clerk got confused.

Wife: What about the time we saw a streetwalker selling her wares about three blocks from our apartment?
Me: C’mon, this is LA. All the ladies dress like that!

Wife: Do you remember when they found that guy murdered in an alley a few blocks from here?
Me: Hey, if you’re lurking in an alley late at night, are you really that innocent?

Wife: How about the major bank robbery up the street where the police gunned down one of the perps?
Me: Honey, he was robbing a bank.

Wife: What about the time that 12-year-old kid made fun of your pants?
Me: ...

Wife: Well?
Me: It’s time to move.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

If you read Surgical Strikes, you already know this, but it looks like Kevin of Life at TJ's Place is back.

Or is he?

Thursday, April 07, 2005

It’s been one of the wettest winters on record here in Southern California, and while this has had many devastating consequences--deadly mudslides, homes slipping off foundations, trophy wives having to drive Mercedes through flooded streets—there have also been a few positives to come out of this.

It’s colorful around here. I’d even go as far to say Technocolor colorful, although not as colorful as Joseph and his amazing dreamcoat, but you get the picture. Normally when you look out onto the hills, it’s brown, “Giraffe Beige,” or whatever Pottery Barn color you want to call it.

Anyway, the reason I’m giving out all of this useless information is that last weekend, my wife and I went to the Antelope Valley California Poppy Reserve. Just an hour north of Los Angeles, somewhere between the ex-gangbangers, meth labs, and biker bars lies this, this and this.

Amazing, isn’t it?

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