Dead Aim

Among other things, I have been spending too much time playing Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. However, the point of this post isn't that I am sick, twisted and juvenile, but rather that I learned something valuable from this video game. Okay, other than how to pop caps in someone's ass with my AK, I didn't learn something from the video game itself, but I did learn something indirectly.

The other morning I was watching The Today Show and Katie Couric was doing one of those opposing viewpoint interviews about Grand Theft Auto. Did I ever mention that Katie and I once shared a moment? I think she was flirting with me, but I suppose that's a story for another time.

Anyway, one of the guests was an editor for Maxim magazine or some other sort of this-is-a-male-fantasy-magazine-but-we-don't-do-nudes publication. He was proposing that this game was for adults, not for kids, parents should be paying attention to what their kids are doing, and blah, blah, blah.

True, but boring as relates to this story.

The other guest was a lawyer in the vein of a I'm-going-to-sue-you-because-Ozzy-made-my-kid-bite-the-head-off-our-pet-bat litigator. He proposed that this game was awful, it sets a bad example, that kids were able to buy it even though it has a rating for "Mature Audiences" only, blah, blah, blah.

Also true, but boring as relates to this story.

What really struck me was when the lawyer started citing a case example of where some teenagers went out and ran over someone with their car and blamed it on being inspired by a video game. The magazine editor shot back his predictable response and THEN...

The lawyer said, "Oh yeah? Tell that to the families of the dead people."

This is pure genius.

I mean, what can you say after something like that? This is the perfectly crafted retort. No one can deny that the families of the dead people are suffering, and why would you want to cause them any more pain? You really can't go against families of dead people. You wouldn't want to look like a total ass would you?

I've decided that I'm going to use this phrase in everyday life. It could be helpful in any situation. Think of the possibilities...

Snotty parking attendant: Sir, you can't park here.
Me: Oh yeah? Tell that to the families of the dead people!

Potential employer: I'm sorry, but we've decided to go with someone else.
Me: Oh yeah? Tell that to the families of the dead people!

Office manager at my doctor's office: Let's see... The next available appointment is in three months.
Me: Oh yeah? Tell that to the families of the dead people!

Girl behind the counter at McDonald's: I'm sorry, but we're out of Filet-O-Fish.
Me: Oh yeah? Tell that to the families of the dead people!
Girl behind the counter at McDonald's: Sir, if you really want a Filet-O-Fish, you could try the McDonald's down the street.
Me: Well, give me a McRib then.

ATM Machine: Insufficient Funds.
Me: Oh yeah? Tell that to the families of the dead people!

Upon further review, it doesn't work in every instance, but it could help you out of a jam. At any rate, I offer you this newfound knowledge. Please use it wisely.