Dead Aim

Three things:

1. I just won ten dollars in the lottery. This means I don’t have to worry about getting a job for another, like, two minutes.

2. My wife is not a lesbian. She sang a cappella when she was five. Apparently, she sang with a group which included a close family member who was a lesbian.

3. Bob and I just checked out a candlelight vigil for peace on a street corner near our apartment. We even met a nice lady who said she once owned an Australian Shepherd. Bob enjoyed the scratches behind the ear and the pats on the head.

It was all nice and warm and fuzzy until she noticed Bob’s tail. “That’s weird,” she said. “Our Aussie didn’t have a tail.”

“Well, we didn’t have Bob’s tail docked when he was a puppy.” I informed her.

“Hmmm,” she said and thought for a moment. “Australian Shepherds aren’t born with tails.”

“Uh, some kinds are born with naturally bobbed tails and some kinds are born with tails… And we decided not to have his chopped off,” I replied.

“Maybe he’s a Border Collie,” she informed me.

I looked down at Bob and could tell he was offended, so not wanting to risk violence at a candlelight vigil for peace, we decided to head home.

Goddamn peaceniks.