Dead Aim

If you ever get the chance to see Michael Jackson up close, I highly recommend it. You probably won’t have much of a chance in the future.

A few moons ago, my wife and I tried to start a tradition where on Valentine’s Day we would go to any number of strange and weird museums here in Los Angeles. We thought it might be fun, and hell, it’s a lot easier to get into the Museum of Jurassic Technology on Valentine’s Day than it is to get a reservation at T.G.I. Friday’s.

During one bright and cheery Valentine’s Day we decided to visit the Museum of Miniatures. The possibility of seeing the world’s smallest record player, the bible written on the head of a pin, or my name on a grain of rice was hard to resist.

When we got there though, all we saw were a bunch of elaborate dollhouses. I’m not kidding. There were miniature versions of a French Empire Salon and Fontainebleau. Weird? Yes. Boring? Kind of, but we figured it’s Valentine’s Day, so why the hell not?

We may have been romantics, but we were also cheap and broke. We decided to forgo the extra $5 personalized tour, and sneak along a few paces behind the tour group.

As we wandered around looking at a scale model of Buckingham Palace, I noticed another group in the museum. The leader of the entourage seemed to be a Michael Jackson impersonator. He had the MJ look goin’ on: Black loafers, white socks, black pants, a red long-sleeved button-down shirt, a black surgical facemask, and sunglasses. The only thing that gave him away as an impersonator was a black baseball cap that had the words “POO POO” emblazoned on the front in bright red.

That couldn’t really be Michael Jackson, right? He doesn’t really go out in public like that, right? He must be an impersonator.

We continued to shadow our tour group. Eventually, we were herded into a special locked room where we got to view an exhibit in the process of being completed. Since we were following the tour group, and not really a part of it, my wife and I sort of got left behind for a few moments. As we were looking at how someone so faithfully recreated the Louvre, a security guard came in and shooed us out of the room. Apparently, this Michael Jackson impersonator and his entourage had some pull with the museum curators. They were going to get their own private viewing.

What nerve. We weren’t about to cause a ruckus in the Museum of Miniatures though, so we left without a word.

Then we got to thinking. What if that was really Michael Jackson? This could be one of the biggest star sightings of all time! Just wait until we told our friends, our families, even strangers on the street. We saw Michael Jackson, The King of Pop, Peter Pan or whatever you want to call him. People could say to us, “Guess who I saw today?” and we would always be able to trump them.

Then again, he wouldn’t dress like that for real, would he? That’s just for show, star persona, stage façade, right? He must be an impersonator.

Hmm… But he did have an entourage. And there were a few children included among them. And he did have some clout – at least in the Museum of Minatures.

When he came out, we decided to get a better look, so we ditched our tour group and started to tail this Whacko Jacko like a couple of private eyes.

Our stealthy maneuvers eventually paid off. I got a close look somewhere near the Brighton Summer Pavilion, and damn if it wasn’t Michael Jackson dressed like a Michael Jackson impersonator.

And really, isn’t that the perfect disguise?