Dead Aim

A full confession.

Recently, my wife and I were out walking the dog early in the morning. As we strolled along the sidewalk (in a commercial business area - not residential) my wife looks down and sees an envelope on the ground. Not just any envelope, but one of those bank ATM deposit envelopes with the two holes in them, and through the holes, we could see what looked like cash.

As I picked it up, I noticed the only markings were for the particular bank it belonged to and where someone had written in pencil, "for deposit in checking."

No account number. No name. No nothing.

Of course, I had to open it and see how much was inside. Damn, if it wasn't $260! Cash. And no deposit slip. Nothing but cold, hard cash. We gave each other a look as if to say, "what do we do?" and then looked around. Being early in the morning, no one was around. None of the businesses were open. Just me, my wife and our trusty ol' dog standing on the sidewalk with $260 and a decision to make.

Now, I suppose we could have taken the money to the bank where it was intended to be deposited, but what the hell were they going to do? Besides, the nearest branch of that particular bank was a good mile away.

I suppose we could have put up signs all over the neighborhood saying "FOUND MONEY," but really, let's be serious.

And just for the record, if it would have been a wallet, or there was some kind deposit slip or account number or any sort of identification, we would have returned the money to it’s rightful owner. At least I think we would.

So, yes, we decided to keep the money. Yes, we felt bad for the person who had lost it. And whoever you are, I hope it wasn’t your rent money or the money to pay for your cousin’s dialysis machine.

Of course the feeling bad part goes away pretty quickly when you start thinking of how you could spend this stroke of good luck. I suggested we spend it on hookers and blow, but my wife wanted to buy a coffee table. You guess where them money went.